


It's True I Crave You

by Moriartied



Series: Group Dynamics [9]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, BDSM Scene, Canon Compliant, Dom Liam, Dom/sub, Dom/sub Play, Feelings, M/M, Platonic BDSM, Smut, Sort Of Fluff, Sub Zayn, Unrequited Love, Wax Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-29
Updated: 2015-05-31
Packaged: 2018-04-01 20:41:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4033870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moriartied/pseuds/Moriartied
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam has been domming Zayn for a few months when everything falls apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One Moment I Have You The Next You Are Gone

**Author's Note:**

> As always, read the rest of the series first or this won't really make sense! 
> 
> Apologies for any inaccuracies with dates. I tried to keep things with the actual 1D timeline, but, you know, laziness, and also trying to make things fit with my timeline. This is supposed to have occurred in early fall 2014, during album promo season. 
> 
> Title is from Crave You by Flight Facilities.

**When: September 2014**

**Where: A hotel somewhere**

**POV: Liam**

 

Zayn is laying face down on the bed, slender body trembling and soft whimpers coming from his mouth. His creamy thighs are spread wide, ass canted up in the air displaying the shiny purple toy fit snugly into his tight hole. Liam watches as his fingers clench and unclench in the sheets as he works hard to keep from rutting himself against the mattress.

"Doing so good," he murmurs, keeping his voice even so as not to betray how utterly aroused he is at the sight in front of him. He flips the remote around in his fingers for something to do with his hands, then after a few moments presses one of the buttons and the buzzing gets louder, as do Zayn's cries. His face is pressed into the bed, long hair damp and plastered to his forehead. They've been at this for nearly an hour and Zayn lost the ability to speak coherently at least twenty minutes ago.

Liam leans forward and pushes the vibrator a little deeper into Zayn, and is rewarded with a low throaty groan. He knows the tears are streaming freely down Zayn's cheeks by now, and almost wants to tilt the boy's head up so he can see, but he holds himself back. He knows Zayn doesn't want that. He's learned from experience, that Zayn doesn't like eye contact during a scene. He prefers to get lost in his own world and just let himself be taken completely apart, without acknowledging who is doing it. And Liam can understand that, even though it hurts him. He just wants Zayn to be happy, and if he has to sacrifice his own wants for that, well, it's not really a question, is it?

He turns the remote up another notch and Zayn is quiet now, just shaking and gasping in labored breaths, so determined to hold back his orgasm like Liam instructed, but clearly not going to last much longer. Liam lets him go for another minute, then moves beside him, placing one hand on his ass, and snaking the other around to his cock, just wrapping his fingers around it but not stroking.

"Good boy," he praises, rubbing his thumb over the swell of Zayn's smooth cheek. "You can come."

Zayn stays tense for a moment longer, feeling it difficult to let go after holding it in for so long, but then Liam starts stroking and it's like a switch is flipped and suddenly Zayn is a writhing mess on the bed, gasping and crying out and practically gushing cum into Liam's hand. When he finally comes down, he's just laying there, twitching on the mattress, and Liam turns the toy off and slowly pulls it out before moving his hands up to Zayn's shoulders, softly massaging him and trailing soothingly down his back.

"So good, little one. Always so good for me," he mumbles as Zayn's trembles finally cease.

"Thank you sir," Zayn manages to croak back, voice rough and raw. Liam gives his shoulders one final squeeze and then goes into the bathroom to get a warm towel to clean him up. He pauses for a moment in front of the sink, hands gripping the counter as he stares at himself in the mirror and wills his erection away. It's hard. It's so hard, and Liam thinks he's close to breaking. He thought he could do this, given Zayn what he wanted without letting his own emotions get in the way. But his feelings are threatening to get the better of him. He wants nothing more than to go back into the room and take Zayn into his arms, press soft kisses to his cheeks, run his fingers through his hair, stare into those wide chocolate eyes. But he can't, because Zayn doesn't want that, and this is what he agreed to.

Sometimes Liam thinks _he_ might actually be the masochistic one.

When he returns to the bedroom, Zayn is sitting up with his knees tugged up to his chest and his forehead resting on them. Liam can't get a read on his emotions, and that worries him. He quickly goes to sit down next to the boy, holding the wet cloth in one hand while resting his other on Zayn's shoulder.

"Is something wrong?" he asks, concerned that he missed some sign, that he pushed too hard.

Zayn shakes his head, and then a few beats later mumbles something which Liam can't hear.

"What?" he asks, chest clenching with worry.

Zayn picks his head up. His eyes are rimmed red and his face is stained with tears and snot. He looks horrible, cheeks puffy, lips bitten raw. Liam has to physically wrench his hand back from where it wants to cup Zayn's cheek. Zayn sees the jerky movement and his eyes darken almost imperceptibly.

"You can..." he whispers. "You... You can if you want to."

Liam's eyes widen, but he hesitates, hand hovering halfway to Zayn's face.

Zayn swallows and looks down. "Want you to," he mumbles.

And now there's no hesitation. Liam drops the wash cloth to the bed and turns his whole body towards Zayn, both hands going up to cup his cheeks, thumbs brushing away his tears. After a moment he pulls Zayn against his chest, and Zayn comes, letting his legs drop down and curling into Liam's body as a fresh round of tears spring forth. Liam hugs him close, doesn't care that he's soaking through his teeshirt. He runs his fingers up through Zayn's hair and presses a kiss to the top of his head.

"You're okay. It's okay," he murmurs over and over, even though he still doesn't know what's going on.

Zayn stops crying eventually, but he's still clinging to Liam, hands fisted in the fabric of his shirt. He picks his head up and makes eye contact with Liam, eyes wide with something that's a shade too close to fear for Liam's liking. But then he speaks and it's like all the air has been sucked out of the room and Liam's left gasping.

"Kiss me."

It's just two words, but it shakes Liam to his core. They were words he'd never expected to hear from the boy. Sure, he'd played scenes like this over and over in his head, wishing more than anything that Zayn would want him the same way he did, but he'd resigned himself to never have that, so hearing Zayn ask him, so softly yet determinedly, nearly sends him into a free fall.

Instead he just freezes, arms still around Zayn, and stares at him.

Zayn looks up at him, fear growing in his expression, and that's what snaps Liam out of his trance.

"Are...are you sure?" he asks, so shaky and soft, so unlike himself.

Zayn nods, now looking quite desperate, and that wins the inner battle Liam's having with himself. He cups Zayn's jaw again, tilting his face up towards him, and then, emotion choking in his throat, leans down and presses his lips to the boy's, closing his eyes and breathing Zayn in, making the most he can of this moment because he doesn't know if he'll ever get to have this again.

Zayn kisses back, lips fitting into Liam's like they were made for each other. Liam cautiously deepens the kiss, and isn't met with any resistance. Zayn presses up against him, practically scrambling into his lap to get closer, and the kiss becomes desperate and needy, and they're rutting up against each other, lips locked with bruising ferocity. And then suddenly Zayn has his hands on Liam's chest and he's pushing him away, and Liam's eyes spring open as he lets go of Zayn and reels back.

"Fuck, fuck, I'm sorry," he mutters, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head.

Zayn is sitting up against the pillows on the bed, curled in on himself again and rocking back and forth. He shakes his head. "No... Not your fault. I shouldn't have done that. I just... I--" he trails off and looks up at Liam with a broken expression that stabs Liam right in the heart.

"You thought it was what I wanted?" Liam supplies, digging the knife even deeper into himself.

Zayn sucks in a shaky breath and nods.

Liam wants to throw himself off a bridge. Instead he pushes himself up off the bed and collects Zayn's clothing from the floor, handing it to him with an unreadable expression. Then he sighs as he steps back again. "Go shower and then we can talk about it, okay?"

Zayn takes his jeans and tee shirt and nods, standing up and heading towards the bathroom.

While Zayn is in the shower, Liam sits on the bed. His head is pounding. He's never felt so out of control of his emotions in his life and it's terrifying. He loves Zayn. He's known that for ages now. And Zayn... God _Zayn_ , the angelic creature that he is, so eager to please and make Liam happy that he would do something he very much didn't want to just because he thought Liam wanted it... The thought makes him sick.

He never should have gotten himself into this. It was too risky from the start, foolishly believing that he could keep his desires under control and not let his emotions cloud his judgment. But these past few months with Zayn have been incredible, and he selfishly wouldn't trade them for anything. He and Zayn have gotten so close. They've built up a level of trust that he doesn't have with anyone other than Louis, even higher possibly, because there's a lot of things he keeps from Louis because he doesn't want the boy to worry any more than he already does. But with Zayn, it's like they're one mind, one soul, they don't even have to speak to understand what the other is thinking.

Liam wonders how he missed Zayn's true motives when he asked for the kiss. But he knows he didn't miss it, he just let himself be swept up in the moment. And as a dom, as the person who is supposed to be responsible and always looking out for the best interests of those who trust him, it's the worst thing he could possibly do.

He needs to end this with Zayn. It's not healthy. It's not safe anymore.

He's working up his speech in his head when Zayn comes out of the bathroom, hair washed and gelled up, three quarter sleeve shirt clinging to his skinny torso, black jeans that bunch around his knees and ankles, and a set in his jaw that catches Liam off guard. He looks confident, almost intimidatingly so, and Liam isn't sure he's seen him like this before, at least not in a private setting. He has his game face on, the one he wears to interviews that he doesn't really want to go to. The one he wears in photo shoots when he's forced into ill-fitting clothes and told to look "mysterious".

Liam cringes, knowing that he put that look on Zayn's face, and suddenly he doesn't know what to do.

Zayn clears his throat and gives Liam a pained look. "I... I'm not gay," he says finally.

Liam doesn't get up from the bed. Normally he'd be uncomfortable with Zayn standing over him, instinctually needing to demonstrate his control over the situation, but he doesn't feel in control at all right now, and he knows the best thing he can do is let Zayn take the lead on this. He sucks in a breath and nods.

"Okay," he says simply, because anything more and his voice would probably crack.

Zayn's fingers twist in the hem of his shirt as his eyes flick back and forth over Liam like he's still trying to figure out what to say to him. Liam doesn't push, just sits there and waits for him to continue.

"But I... I like what we have. I like doing scenes. I like having you as my dom. I don't want to stop that."

Liam feels his heart being twisted by a metaphorical fist. He wants so badly to agree with Zayn, to keep going with the thing they're doing. But he can't. It's not healthy for either of them now. Liam can't separate out his emotions, and now he knows that Zayn is willing to sacrifice his own comfort and happiness to please him... That makes this relationship a power imbalance, and Liam can't do that to Zayn.

So even though it hurts, he shakes his head. "We can't, Zayn," he manages to get out before his voice betrays him. He swallows the painful lump in his throat.

Zayn sighs and nods, and Liam can see disappointed acceptance in his eyes. He wants to tell him that nothing is going to change between them, but that's a lie.

"I'm sorry I fucked things up," Zayn says, so softly that Liam almost doesn't hear him. The words hit him low in the gut and he physically recoils.

"No, Zayn, don't do that. This is my fault. I should never... I should never have gotten involved like this. It was wrong of me to think I could contain my feelings for you." He looks down, shameful, not deserving the sympathetic look Zayn is giving him.

"Li, I love you," Zayn says, a sudden conviction in his voice. "I'm not in love with you, and I'm not going to be, because I _can't_ , but I do love you. And I'll... I'll still be here if you change your mind about domming me. I'm not going to go anywhere."

Liam forces a smile and reaches out to grasp Zayn's hand. "You're incredible Zayn. I'm so lucky to have you in my life."

After Zayn leaves the room, Liam drops down onto the bed, taking shaky breaths and trying not to succumb to the nearly crippling wave of disappointment he feels, entirely directed at himself. It was stupid. He was selfish. He'd gotten greedy. He should be happy with the things he has--incredibly close friendships with his bandmates, an amazing girlfriend, a very special relationship with Louis. He should never have let himself fall in love with Zayn.

So he steels his heart. He focuses on the things he does have, and tries his best to stamp out his feelings for Zayn. He doesn't deserve to love him, he tells himself. And it works. Almost.


	2. That Boy's Got My Heart Locked In A Silver Cage

It's a month later, and they're in Florida for album promo when Liam hears a knock on his hotel room door as he's getting out of the shower. He's expecting it to be Louis, so when he opens the door to see Zayn standing there in an oversized sweatshirt, hood pulled up over his head and red puffy eyes, he's completely caught off guard. The past month has been strained between them. Zayn's started missing meetings, or showing up late and then sleeping through them, and he rarely hangs out with the rest of the band on their days off, spending all of his free time with Perrie. Liam wonders if any of it is his fault, and is torn between thinking that yes it probably is and he's absolute scum for it, and scoffing at himself for thinking he's that important in Zayn's life to put him off this much.

But there's no denying that Zayn isn't okay. The others have noticed it too, and so has management, but they're blaming it on his drug use or his fuck-all attitude, or whatever image of Zayn they've concocted in their minds. They're pissed, and they're blaming Zayn, even though it's clear that there is something much deeper wrong here. Zayn looks exhausted. He's lost even more weight, his cheekbones jutting out frighteningly, and his body completely lost in the hoodie and joggers he's wearing. Liam stares at him for a moment, then clears his throat.

"H-hey," he stammers when he gets semi control of his voice.

Zayn shoves his hands into the front pocket of the hoodie. "Hi," he says, voice soft and raw sounding.

"Is something wrong?" Liam asks, worried.

Zayn shrugs. "I don't know. Can I come in?"

Liam nods slowly and steps back to let Zayn into the room. He realizes he's still shirtless, having been in the middle of getting dressed when he'd heard the knock. He grabs a shirt from his suitcase, the first clean one he finds, and throws it on before going over to the bed where Zayn has sat himself down.

"I don't know if I can do this anymore," Zayn says after a few moments of silence.

Liam frowns. "Do what?"

"Everything. The band, touring... It's just... It's too much. It's not what I signed up for when I wanted to be a musician, you know? Like, the rules, the scrutiny, so many people thinking they know what's best for us, thinking they _know_ us." He slumps over with his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. "I love you guys," he continues, muffled by his hands. "I love the band. I love our music. I just... It's so much."

Liam gets it. He knows what Zayn is feeling, at least on some level. Their touring schedule is insane. They've put out four albums in as many years and are about to start another round of stadium tours when they're barely off the last one. Fuck, they recorded most of the album on the road, in hotel rooms and the back of the bus. They barely see their families, they barely get to stay in one city long enough to get a full nights sleep for christ's sake. He understands competent why Harry bought the house in LA. He needs somewhere to escape to. Liam doesn't think Zayn would be happy with just a Beverly Hills mansion though. He needs family. Needs something substantial.

Zayn rubs his eyes and looks up at Liam, wrapping his arms tightly around his middle and making himself look even smaller. "You make me feel like I can handle it all," he says, dark eyes filled with something like pleading.

Liam knew what Zayn was asking, and he knew he should say no. It would be better for both of the, in the long run. But Zayn was his weakness, and seeing him sitting here in front of him looking so lost and needy, well, Liam was only human. He took a step forward, reaching out to run his fingers through Zayn's hair.

"You want to do a scene," he said. It wasn't a question, but he was looking for confirmation. He wanted to make sure Zayn knew exactly what he was asking for. Zayn leaned into his touch, nodding and casting his eyes down in a show of his submission to Liam. Liam trailed his hand down to cradle Zayn's cheek, hesitating for a moment, his conscience fighting with him and begging him not to say yes, but his selfish selfish heart fighting back with a vengeance. He already knew which one was going to win the argument.

"Take off your shirt and get on your hands and knees on the bed," he ordered, pulling his hand back from Zayn's face and steeling himself into his dom mindset.

Zayn obeys, climbing up onto the bed and hunching over, head hanging down between his outstretched arms. They'd discovered in their experimentations that Zayn really likes pain. Not in a way that he gets off on it necessarily, but something about the physicalness helps get him out of his head. He can focus on the sting or the burn instead of the throbbing thoughts pounding at his skull.

So Liam fumbles through his duffle bag for the candles he knows are in there, and then fishes his lighter out of his back pocket. He kneels on the bed behind Zayn and flicks the lighter, holding it to the wick until it lights. Zayn's body tenses when he hears the click of the wheel, but Liam can tell by the hitch in his breath that he's not afraid but rather excited.

Liam tests the wax on his own arm to make sure it's not too hot, then holds the candle about a foot over Zayn's back, tilting it slowly and watching the red jewel of wax drip down and land on Zayn's pale skin. Zayn hisses, but remains still, and Liam continues drizzling wax across his shoulder blades. The top half of Zayn's back is nearly covered when he drops down onto his elbows, shaking, and breathing in heavily. Liam knows he's gone into subspace and reaches a hand out to massage his shoulder, letting him know he's okay. Zayn chokes out a sob as he lets go.

By the time they're done, Zayn is all cried out, and has curled in on himself. Liam blows out the candle and rubs his hands over Zayn's back, feeling the hardened bumps of the wax, and occasionally the warm heat of Zayn's skin.

"Feeling better?" he asks, leaning over Zayn. The smaller boy doesn't respond for a moment, but then slowly nods.

"Good boy," Liam murmurs, running his hand through Zayn's hair. "Let's get you in a bath."

He helps Zaym up from the bed, letting him lean against him as they walk towards the bathroom. Liam starts the water to fill up the tub and deposits Zayn on the closed toilet seat, while he perches on the edge of the bath. Zayn is quiet and small like he always is after a scene.

When the bath is filled, Liam helps Zayn out of his pants and into the warm water. Then he takes a wash cloth and starts to rub it over Zayn's back, cleaning off the flakes of wax. It makes a mess, but he doesn't care. Zayn is leaning forward with his arms around his knees, eyes closed, a look of peace on his face. And everything is worth it, if he can make Zayn happy like this.

When he finishes, he goes to let the water out through the drain, but Zayn's head picks up and he reaches out to wrap his fingers around Liam's wrist.

"Please," he whispers.

Liam frowns. "What? Is something wrong?" he asks, concerned that he missed something, again.

Zayn shakes his head. "Get in with me. Please, Li."

And again it's like there's not enough air. Liam feels lightheaded. "Are..are you sure?"

And Zayn nods, and his eyes are wide and pleading, and there's no way Liam can say no. So he stands up and slowly strips out of his clothes and steps into the tub, settling down across from Zayn. He's not at all expecting it when Zayn lunges across the tub to curl up into his chest, slashing water everywhere as he does. Liam's eyes widen but he instinctively brings his arms up to wrap around the boy.

Zayn's face is pressed into his neck, and he's shaking again, so Liam rubs his hands over his back to calm him down.

"I love you Li," he breathes against Liam's skin.

Liam feels a lump rise in his throat. "I know, I love you to," he murmurs back, but Zayn shakes his head.

"No. I--I lied. I said I wasn't in love with you," he pulls back to look up at Liam with puffy red eyes. "I was scared."

Liam is frozen.

"What are you saying?" he asks in a whisper, scared to death that he's misinterpreting Zayn.

"I'm in love with you Li. I think I always have been. I just... I couldn't admit it to myself," he shakes his head sadly, and if he had any tears left they'd been trickling down his cheeks now.

Liam swallows, and doesn't trust his voice to hold if he tries to speak.

Zayn stares at him. He's so close, Liam can feel the heat of his breath. Liam blinks.

"So what now?" Liam finally manages to ask, thankfully only sounding half as terrified as he feels.

Zayn sucks his lower lip in between his teeth. "I-I'm still afraid. But I...I need you Li. I need this."

And Liam nods, and then they're kissing, and it's soft, and emotional, and at the same time urgent and desperate and not at all refined, and they're clinging to each other and kissing and crying and god, it's a mess.

But it's so so good, and Liam never wants to stop, and it doesn't seem like Zayn wants to either.

The water of the tub is cooling around them, and the remnants of the wax are starting to get gross, and that's the only thing that pulls Liam out of his utter bliss. He detaches himself from Zayn, but only to stand up and lift the other boy out of the tub, grabbing a towel and then carrying him to the bedroom. Zayn wraps his legs tightly around Liam's waist and his arms around his neck and he's got this uncontrollable smile on his face that Liam hasn't seen in ages. He can't believe he's the one that put it there.

He lays Zayn down on the bed and kisses him again, and then he's trailing his lips down his neck and across his chest, and Zayn is arching off the bed and biting down on his lip to hold back the moans and whimpers escaping him.

"Let it out baby," he murmurs as he kisses down the line of Zayn's abs, until he's kneeling between his spread legs, where Zayn's cock his already hard and leaking. Liam wraps his fingers lightly around it and Zayn cries out, thrusting his hips up needily.

Liam watches Zayn's face while he wraps his lips around the tip, swirling his tongue before bobbing down and taking Zayn's cock into his mouth. Zayn moans as Liam bobs down on his cock, taking in as much of it as he can. He's definitely not an expert at blowjobs, but Zayn isn't seeming to have anything bad to say about it. He bucks up into Liam's mouth, and quickly apologizes, but Liam shushes him and just puts his hands on his hips, holding him down against the bed as he starts to move up and down on his cock. Zayn yelps out his name as a warning, and then he comes hard, and Liam doesn't pull off, just braces himself and swallows, and then comes off Zayn slowly, looking up at him, his hand going to wrap around his own cock.

"Fuck, Li, need you inside me," Zayn mumbles. "Please."

And Liam couldn't protest if he tried. He scoops Zayn up in his arms, hugging him close and kissing him softly, and then he reaches for the lube, warming it up in his hands before squeezing some onto his fingers. He keeps one arm around Zayn, while the other snakes under him, finding his hole and slipping one slick finger inside. Zayn curls in closer to him, crying out with pleasure as he starts working his finger deeper, then joining it with a second. He takes his time, going slowly both to get Zayn prepped, and to enjoy this moment for himself. Zayn is soft and pliant in his arms, and his moans only get louder as Liam fits in a third finger. He can feel Zayn's cock hard again against his stomach.

He lays Zayn down, and kneels between his legs, stroking his own cock a few times before leaning forward and pressing slowly into him. He nearly comes on the spot as Zayn's tight warmth engulfs him, and let's out a groan as he pushes in until he bottoms out. Zayn locks his arms and legs around Liam, pulling him even closer as he starts to rock his hips into him. Liam tries to make this last as long as he can, but he's only human, and so with one last thrust, he comes deep inside Zayn, and Zayn comes too, untouched between them, coating his own chest and Liam's stomach with cum. Liam leans down to kiss him, and rolls onto his side, keeping Zayn pressed close against him.

"That was incredible, baby," he murmurs, kissing Zayn's forehead. Zayn nods sleepily, and Liam knows they should get up and clean off, but he never wants to leave this place ever. He grabs a tissue instead and cleans up the sticky mess between them, then pulls a blanket up over them.

Zayn's already mostly asleep, but Liam presses his lips to his forehead anyway and murmurs, "I love you. So much." And he smiles as he feels Zayn's arms tighten around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was happy! Woah! I surprised myself there. Anyway, comment if you'd like. It really helps motivate me to keep writing. I have at least two more parts planned for this series, but let me know if there's anything you want more of, or anything that's unclear and hopefully I can work that in.
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](http://coltonfuckinghaynes.tumblr.com)!


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